the arm that feeds us

I felt I lost an opportunity with a job today.
I sped for it, I broke the rules.
I done what I thought was needed.
I played a game that had a inevitable end, well that it seemed so.

I failed, the feeling of failure, the feeling of unsuccessful guilt.
My ego had arisen...

It creept inside, torn the layers down and laid down its sense of doubt and missery.

I was feeling i had no chance to hold what I desired...

I walked and struggled the roads of business and fashion.
Felt rejected and pushed aside by the public normality figures.
An object of no use in a city of used.

Then aside, a man.
A man with no path.
No hope.
No power.
No sense of direction.
A man that has come to a close end of no repair.

'My name is so, I am homless, please help"

This man had a look of sadness, one arm, hardly Any clothes, and no home.
He was sat there on the stairs of a fine rich bank.
A bank with everything

A man with nothing outside of something with everything.
And everyone that walked out of this place acheived something had one thing.
A home.
Money.
Power.
Hope.
They had some direction.
Hopeless as I see it they had it.
And they had no sense to stop for him.
They had a ego. Worser then I had.

This man was in pain.
He was suffering.
And no one stopped to assist.

Where they were going, he was not.

I stopped and the selfish sad ego I had of losing opportunity stopped.

This man had less then I lost. Less then I already had.
I walked past with a glance and a feeling.
Why was I acting like this?
When there are worse out there.

I stood on the corner of busy lights and pondered.

Should I keep walking?
Or should I be greatful for what I have.

This person needs help.
Can I make a difference and help.

I turned around and walked back.
And with one kind gesture I handed him my change and said...

"Here is some change. Buy yourself some food"
And as I took my glasses off and looked him in the eyes with emotion. I told him what I needed to tell myself...
"I hope all gets better, Cause in the end.... It will my friend"
He smiled and said thank you and I exchanged a smile back.

And as I walked away... I started to cry.
I cried because how dare I think my life was bad because a missed opportunity.
His opportunity, his life got hard when he lost his home and his arm.

How dare I let my ego over rule me.

And as I cried, as I walked out of this selfish city. I prayed.
I blessed.

That I'm am so lucky to have the life I've been given.
The experiences.
The people.
The love.

Even though it is how it is
And so be it, how date I...

Don't ever take it for granted.
Whether your happy or sad.

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why a goodbye?

its right. i am running away. im sick and have been for sometime. sick of this town life. sick of my path sick if this predictable future had enough of this destiny. the easy option is obvious the second option is relatively inevitable. i couldn't care less. about you, about me about anyone. why why why??? lets paint a picture of what is this life. lets draw with crayons possible dimensions of a dream. will count sheep till we never wake up and laugh till nothing seeps out again. Goodbye goodbye goodbye....

Human being are the worst breed

human beings are the worse breed of evolution. but arnt we the best too? but why, why are they? they have emotions, choices and they have anger. they feed of the innocent, plague the rotten, and take what they want. they engulf more then they can and spit out what they dont need. they walk this land with egos and expectations. they control and bring doom on whatever they please they take from the weak and leave the poor they cry and weep, sorrow and seep there selfish and unkind. there inconsiderate and make lies. we tell each other what we should do while preach with faith what we cant achieve. we live in bubbles and hide in shelters. we suppress our kind souls and torture them with unwanted necesssitiy . they bring pain and emotion, insanity and indecision. they take without asking and giving without thinking where inconsiderate, where thoughtless, where blind, where needy. we are but just the icing on the cake. if only we knew that we are all opposite of what is said. i would feel humble but that is not the point we ar ewhat we are. so i shall drink to what we are not and we shall never be what we could. bring on the destruction of this world. we would be better of gone. we would be better of just as souls. not mere mortals incaged in this meaty flesh of nothing. we are nothing, thats all we may ever be...

lucky, lucky boys

I'm a pretty lucky guy when I look deep into the truth.
I have a loving family.
A decent income.
A cruzy life.
I am gifted with spiratual awareness.
Things come and go in my life.
I draw what I need when I need it.
I have the power to harness energy.
I give and receive lots of love.

I have a lilttle boy, and even thou it was not how I imagined. Or wanted. I'm still happy he is Alive.
I have freedom.
I travel.
I see what some do not.
I am healthy, fit and handsome.
I am not like other men, but I am not to different from others.

I have drawn special people to my life.
Special friends.
Special women.
Special lives.

I'm a caring considerate person.
I listen.
I want to help.
But I except what is.
I live in the now.
I am what I am.

To this life I have been given

I say...
So be it!

Thank you

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We can play games, we can go round in circles. But you will catch up to me and I will not be able to escape this fate. This destiny.
is the path I try so hard to love and except.
Is that wrong?

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I'm a punk rocker.
I'm a hillbilly rougher.
I'm a terroist scum.
I'm a problem child.

I'm filled with love
And cursed with a fate.

I'm made of fragile paper.
But written with blood.

I say what I mean
Bit act on what I'm not suppose to.

I have great people in my life.
I'm left with no one but myself.

This plague, this bitterness. This disease.
It eats inside and feeds of the good I give.
To be swallowed and spar back at my feet.
To reep nothing and destroy all.
To care for everyone and not myself.

I am what I am.

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stranger

I didn't have the strength to say....
I miss you when your gone

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too much

Too deep for any one ocean to current.
Too windy for a storm to comprehend.
Too hot for this sun to handle.
Too bright inside for a moon to strangle

Too much thought on what not to be is becoming what I'm being.

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