not like most guys!

So I ain't like most guys, yes. But what is it about me atm thefts making me feel and think this way.
Is it for the purpose of the growth I Wish to acheive? For I don't want to hurt anyone and especially not myself again.
But what I do want is to treat myself to what I beleive I deserve and feel the need to attempt for strength and fulfillment with self love.
I have to come first, but not selfish. Just for growth purpose, confidence in me, and spiritual awareness.
This will all probably make sense to me and neither of you.

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Strange encounters

There is a man, this man is much like me.
His path has been of great trouble, trouble that has infected the mind.
This trouble caused much emotional pain, much suffering with loss and acceptances.
This man had to deal with what was and how it had become, how himself and those around him also.

Tonight that man told me his story, his pain, and greatest of all, his triumph.
For i was blinded and only thought it was negligence and denial my entire life.
But his struggle was, and now mine, is much the same.

Maybe my little man with deal with the same?

Now i see 2 pictures, i hear to stories, i feel 2 pains.
Now i can let go, now that anger can go, i can now forgive

But now i see 1 choice with 1 committed goal.
Only time can tell and my will to strive towards..

notes and notes, i cant stop righing little lists on notes
boxes and boxes are everywhere!

Maybe

Ever wondered how big it can really get.
Ever wondered how far you need to go.
Ever though about how long you have to reach.
Did you consider how much has to be let go.

Did you ever think about what you where doing.
Did it occur to you that it wasn't the same.
did you reconsider what the outcome could of been.
Or was it just a selfish ego?

Was it the blood pumping thick in your veins
Was it the moon, mighty and pearly clear.
Was the sound to all eminent to repress.
Can you ever forgive...

you know i always thought guys were completely fucking useless
you see, some just follow there dicks now like its a fucking compass
and others, others let there marriage slip through your fingers
there are men today that dont know anything about women
so why are they still fucking alive!

The rest of us, we just try to do everything by the book.
and were the ones that get shafted!
We try to be what they want us to be.
we become reliable, mature, domesticated, and then what happens, there get bored.. that's what happens.

If all women really want is a pet, then why don't they just buy a fucking Labrador!

Ive had enough being torn to shit, lie down, rolling over and playing dead.
from now on, what you see is what you get!

i dont often post happy feelings about my life. and i was very close
till just now....
Best feeling in the world when you see your son, being held by your ex partners partner, and she doesn't even acknowledge you.....


there goes the spiral


and what do i do about it. nothing

im scared and ashamed
im angry and i dont want to fight.


i gave up a long time ago....

Ouchy

Well, ive missed you. ive missed you very much.
to much to a point my mind has not stopped thinking.
i have been going around and around, chasing your tale then chasing another.
now i dont have you no more. now i have you again.
hmm. what do i have here?

i have you once again :)
you are all i ever needed
but i forgot.

it quite funny after some time, looking at what was, and how it just is.
actually... it feels more intelligent.
seeing what you were and how you are now.
what was been and now is gone.
disconnect----

forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness.

oh how i would like some chocolate goodness.
god damit.

oh well.
i just dont want to become depleted :(

ha, lets go plant some needs and ask ask ask.