The great pain achievement

Let's make this clear and simple.

Let's make it long and painful

Let's make it a dream

Or let's just be honest.

What happened sucked, like really heaps.
The events that led before it, the stagnate emotion and loveless friendship of bitter taint.
We where 2 friends, 2 lovers, equal that of most.

The way it ended was quite the guilotine. A whole arm lost at once. The pain emenselly difficult to grapple.
The loss and i felt and the sudden quick recover you proceeded.
You where cold and done it so effortlessly.
I was so weak and crumbled instantly.
Rebound with another and the lost get even more lost and more weak.

I have returned and refund my values through this pain. This event.
Through this painful infliction i have come through more aware and more alive.

There will always be some memory but that still is the last.

I forgive you as in the destruction of our dreamed perfection has reached my imperfections.
I have succeded more then ever. I am continuing further then most.
I have pushed towards my goals and reached them through the pain left from which was created and left over.

There has been much beauty through this tradegy. You could say the same for yourself.
But.
I do believe what goes around will come around.
So you will have your share returned for you to face.

But for now. Good luck! All the best. Enjoy what never lasts.
I wouldn't be here if it was not for you.
I would not to be going forwards to things if I did not have you for that brief time in my life.
I would not have developed to this point for if it was not a sad story but happy.

My conclusion.
I have respect for you.
I will always have love for you.
But, truly,  I have forgiveness for you.

Thank you

This can't be real.

Not today. Not ever

Help me? the band-aid is falling of

So who does the person that tries to give all the help go to get there help?

I'm to afraid to talk, I'm to afraid to speak. I hide behind a phone, and digits keep me safe.
I've been around a short time in my life. I've seen and experienced a good share of ups and downs.
I'm don't so know it all but hear me out.

So, Whats it like I shall elaborate, especially my relationships.

Every relationship I've been in I've always pushed myself so far, trying to give and please the best I can.
To be that perfect guy.
To be that one person no one is.
I've jumped through hoops and begged on my knees. I've scaled mountains and paid my way through things in debt indeed. I've done what i've been told and done more then someone if they where sold.

Worst of...
I've been yelled at, sworn at, changed, closed off, shut down, cried to tears, drunk to suicide, cut, used, abused, emotionally scared, emotionally black mailed, torn apart, played, thrown away,given family abuse, pulled back in, stood on, spat on, kicked, punched and scratched, been made to feel jealous, financially used and stolen from.

A long road to acquire what I have wanted.
A long road of patients, compassion, understanding and love.
I believe I don't need to look no more. But its not because I don't feel that none of these things still happen to me, because they do.
I just know how to handle them better.
The thing is though...
In an opposite manner, you being the other
Do you?
Because you are better.

So please

Help me take the band-aid of for good

Fuck today off

I have not had a day like this for a very long time.

Why, how, what ?
I don't give a fuck.
Fuck the roads, the trains, the people. All ages, both sexes.

Today can go Fuck itself right up the ass.
Fuck today and everything about it
Goodnight

Sleeping Sickness

I awoke
Only to find my lungs empty
And through the night
So it seems I'm not breathing
And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be
And I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down

And I'm afraid
To sleep because of what haunts me
Such as living with the uncertainty
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down


Someone come and
someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now it's like the night is taking sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be this misery will suffice?


I've become
A simple souvenir of someone's kill
And like the sea
I'm constantly changing from calm to ill
Madness fills my heart and soul as if the great divide could swallow me whole
oh, how I'm breaking down


Someone come and
someone come and save my life
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now it's like the night is taking sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be this misery will suffice?

ooh my life

Someone come and
someone come and save my life
(save my life)
Someone come and
someone come and save my life
(save my life)
Someone come and
someone come and save my life
Could it be this misery will suffice?

Maybe thats how it will go, or maybe im should think it will never show
maybe thats somehow youll know, or maybe im beleiving it will blow.
maybe its rotten to think wrong, but right to see past might.
maybe i wont be bused and ill be propely used.
its all in the head. im yours still and thats just zen

I didn't expect to walk into that. Those eyes staring right at me.
Right back to me until I immediately look down and walk on.
I just wanted to stop and talk, be a man. But...
Guilt instantly, ashamed beyond belief.
What do they think?
What would I say?
I probably look like I creep.
I feel like one
How do I fix that.
How do you not yell yourself that.

They still don't know.
I don't want to be the one left.

I want to be apart of that.
The feeling I'm not and the feeling I can't is most.

Save your money
This beer will help

Bounce bounce bounce goes the ball.

Have you told them yet?