A different kind of deep end

This was like no other. The first view was like no other. The deepth and serenity of the situation was like no other. Amazing
It all was horribly wrong thou.
First it was impatiences.
Then it was hysterical excitement. Enough to handle. Yet too much for my palate.
The feeling of chanting crowds. Competitive people. Loud noises
Sport sport sport.
What's the fucken beef.
Defense defense defense.
Wtf????
Then the awkward clostricfobia. Then the energy slowly seeping.
So many voices, so much crowd.
She is used to it. She is not helping.
But she doesn't know. Yet she is trying.
Why can't I enjoy this. Why do I judge. This is not me even if I tried.
Why why why?????
All o want to do is say thankful and act greatful.
Emotions emotions emotions!!!

I can't say a single word. My head has shut of. My voice has closed down. My ears are ringing loud.
I'm not used to this. But I wanted this. I want to be more interactive.
Talk and communicate more.
To experience, to impress.
I guess its a daddy thing thou.
Will these people go away. Or do I need to again.
All I want to do is scream out loud and curl into a tiny little ball. Or even cry so hard it hurts.
All I need is to be held with love and understood without words. I have failed. Thank god he wasn't there

Why did it go wrong. Why can't I be like them. Why can't I enjoy it for her.
Why can't express my feelings?

What more can I write...

Oh... Goodbye.
Why did I put myself in the deep end?

Too long for a blog to blog

Been sometime, yes?
Been sometime..... No.

Ah it has.
Many moons and Suns
Many screams and puns
Many fears and doubts
Lots of beers and krauts.

Many goods with smily pouts.
Many cuddles with bottoms all out.

Some tears and smelly fears.
Some dreams and charming dears.

But all is wise, none is sane.

For all is safe, and full of blessings in vain.

Smile.

think about it

i think the way we live in society these dayshas become more complicated face to face communictation used to be vital, but now we can live our lives being online all day however, the truth of the matter is we still need to see each other's faces, read there expressions, hear their voices, so we can fully understand their emotions. to co-exiest

I would like to change

I would like to change.

The coach in my room.
My hair colour.
World peace.
Your ticket times.
The rules of soccer.
A cheesecake recipe.
My nose.
Blue to green.
Candles into string.
How I treat people.
The way I love.
The choices I've made.
The friendships I have left.
Not a single person.
How my relationship is with my son.
To actually be a farther.
The course of my life.
Cruise ship times to Greece.
How I treated you.
How the holiday was not planned to being planned.
Pens.
The way the tide comes in.
All the big things to small things.
Mistakes.
My personality.
My tattoos.
My heart.
My head.
Thinking.
Us.
Myself
My life.

Stupid tiger

I like to think of it as a chicken and tiger situation.
Then tiger had his eyes in the chicken
The chicken was lost in the field one-day.
So the tiger quickly came along and grabbed the chicken by its teeth.
It took it back to its den where it gobbled it up.
As the chicken lay safe there and the tiger full.
The tiger then digested the chicken
And...
I'm sure you can guess the rest there.
Stupid tiger

What a shit heap

Life isn't easy, in fact, its a shit heap!

We expect everything.
Complain and over facebook.
bitch were useless.
Cry we don't have anyone
Lie, cheat and steal.
Use and abuse ourselves and each other.
Take drugs and drink to escape the shityness.
Slut our bodies out needling out.

Humans I guess are the real shit heap.

Cause life is good and can be easy
We just know little how.

I couldnt give one Fuck right now!

Dear Jesse

Dear Jesse, you are the one person I love the most, your my comfort your the light that guides me through a dark tunnel your my companion, bestes friend. You show me what I'm capable of And teach me how to do the things I still can't quite get the hang of. Your the one i miss everytime your not by my side, your the one that I think about every minute of my day. I love to sit their And listen to what you been getting upto while I'm not around or comforting you when your upset. You are the one I want to wake up with  every morning for the rest of my life. You are the one I want to see the world with no one else just you, I may go back and forth but I'm still gonna catch up as you continue that's if you decide to stay which I'm fine with because I know I'll find you when I come back, I just no it.  I love you so much and will never not love you less.

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