Eggs on toast

im in that state of mind again..
where no one can come in and rescue me no matter how much i cry out for help or plea in desperation and struggle over self restraint..
my mind has gone black, my eyes see dark, every little thing pisses me of, sets me wild inside weather its any of your fault or not.... i feel weak and a failure,my feelings are haywire so im jealous of anyones conquests, and disgraced of all my failures. yearn to be someone im not yet bitch about something i am all to see vice versa in play. i cant cry when i really feel i need to, i lie when i shouldnt have to. i tell the truth with insecurity and shutdown over integrity , what? why?
its pathetic, and i know im doing it. is my undoubtedly question to myself?

i pretend in my head, i act a safety plan, i hatch a fresh egg.
and with each movement im slammed against the chair with the bright lantern stuck in my face, " WHY "
" cant you fucking see where your going to end "

There i plea again, the one holding this light in my face, torchering me with cruel demoralising words, stamping on my feet clownish boney feet, more, my mind. pounding against my chest and limiting my breathing, my eyes slowly shutter to see...myself.

i never said this was a game to be completed or a project to finish
more like a ever going challenge to understand

balancing this in me is some task




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Those born is this week are capable of withdrawing form the world for months or even years, doing battle with themselves in an attempt to come to grips with their problems. The challenge a cancer 1 faces is to move from being a person helplessly adrift in a sea of feeling, just able to keep his head above water, into being one you can swim confidently in the swift currents of life.
For those who live with them, it may be difficult to stand but and watch as cancer 1s bottle up their feelings or enter into self - imposed isolation. while it may look like self torture, it is almost impossible, and in fact usually inadvisable, to get down in the soup with cancer 1s. A more beneficial stance is usually to back off and wait until they surface and seek human interaction again. Patience is an obligory virtue for those desiring a successful relationship with these individuals.