Thanks dad

all i do is feel sorry for myself. i cower in my tin shed. in my shell.
im a attention seeker. im a drama creater. i hurt hearts. i lie.
i want everyone to feel my pain almost. i try and feel others. but i only think about myself.


i have feelings. there obviously directed at myself though. they have no interest for others. and then i have a sad when im not listened too. i then cosume myself with doubt and self pity. that i am a problem. i am a pretty face with a evil heart. i hurt people around me.

you were violent towards me. youve hit me so many times. you taught me that feelings were bad. i didnt listen. all i wanted to do was share feelings with you. and now, i have too many.
so i blame you. i blame you for my violence. i balme you for my uncontrolable need. i blame you for never being there. i blame you cause now i dont want to be there.
but everytime i do. i know that its me i have to blame. really

i never have enough to learn.

yet my actions have lost close ones before. my actions have lost your trust and love.
once again i fall down to my knees. with only myself to blame.
maybe because who i am im not meant to be with you. not if im going to hurt you.

im a pretty face. but im trouble inside.

and because i choose to to not pick myself up. i'll wollow like this. probably until i get given the opportunity again. the opportunity to fuck up again.

I miss you so much.
and i have no idea what to do to make things better.
in fact. im starting to believe ive failed. and can never make it better.
and in that process ive scarred you. and you may never love me again.