The goods and then the bads of weeds!

So every time something just doesn't go my way, i get all negative.
The world around me starts to fall, slower and slower every time.
Its this sense of been unable to conform and fit into society shell and become what so many around me has, drives me insanely down.

To shrink down to nothing less then a weed in a field on brainless weeds waiting to be sprayed out of existences for the next batch to breed and colonizes.
I fucken hate it. i cant hold a weedy job! i dont want a weedy fucking job is my point!

And i know that even when i feel smaller then these weeds i am truly much greater.

Thats it.. weeds, they take fuck all to sprout, bloom and die off. There every where, growing on sidewalks, fucking roof tops, next to toleits. there every where from high and friggin low.
Hmmm, where flowers ( best term i can think) take some time until they give life to there beautiful petals, there arrangement of colours, there hidden existence to life.

Im that flower, as so many off us are those flowers, and yet so many ignore they are and become that weed, boring plain job of being a weed.

Meh, im sure you know what jobs and steryo types and slander crap i be talk of!

Id rather wait, weather in pain in or, that in time, and has proved, that i get stronger and wiser in figuring out how to unleash that petal power that exists inside me....
and im reminded every time a good thing happens in my life, ahhh, but brought down with another bad of course.
its getting better but for the mean time.
FUCK YOU TRUCK DRIVING!!!
Im out bitches!!!

walk all over you

You a like you don't care...
You sure as don't show you care about me.
I'm sure you only care about yourself?
But do you really care about zac?
I don't think you Fuckin do.
Cause I may be the hurting atm but soon it will be his turn.
All due to your final decision!
Is this true?

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As she bit down on me her poison seeped into my veins, the poison of love started creeping through my body, into my mind. I was falling for this women. And she knew she was getting power over me. My plan was failing. I had only. imited options, I had to act now.

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The juggling act

So it was at a young age i learnt to juggle, i can remember it clearly.
we had just moved to bridgetown and mother couldnt handle another town where i ran a muk and did nothing but help not prevent my mum from pulling her hair out anymore due to my insane ADHD issues and cronic ability to not sit still and pay attention for longer then 1 minute.

As i remember, i practised quite alot, i juggeled and juggeled my way to 3.
these balls were my greatest friends and for years and years i still have the skill to juggle those three.

So im now 25, i have decided to juggle once again in a sense to acquire some knowledge and sense of understandment in what balance may be for me.
As i juggle these balls they start to have feelings and emotions, one starts to become my favorite and i use it at my will to entertain my affection that somehow burns inside me.
I dont not intend this to be, but my conciseness has slipt it to happen,i just keep juggling. after some time i put that one down and start to play with another, rotating when i please, swapping and changing, yet these balls i love and cherish, i treat with upmost care, they are not toys but apart of me and being aware. why do i use them when i do not want that.
somehow my carefree nature has overcome me without noticing, for i believe i was not at the beginning, for now im starting to use the juggling balls for more then just my amusement. soon i may leave them outside, soon they may deteriorate and fall apart, soon they may be lost, soon they may roll away and disappear from me. for i could be using them just for my pleasure..
soon i may choose to juggle to many, soon i may not juggle enough.
but i truly know that all i want ed to do was give each and every juggling ball just enough.
i never meant to drop them and i never meant to throw them, i will always love and treat them fairly with the balance i promoted, for it is what i intended for myself.
so please dont leave me juggling balls, please understand why ive juggled.
for it wasnt for selfish reasons its was for my balance of love!

.

Seems to me these days there is no room for compromise. When you get married you both shut up and tell each other what to do. That in my sense is to save becoming a broken family, confusing your kids and being financialy not poor.
What a life choice. Conform for the comforts that is unwanted or not for the freedoms that arnt available

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Reggio school...

The child
Is made of one hundred.
The child has
a hundred languages
A hundred hands
A hundred thoughts
A hundred ways of thinking
Of playing, of speaking.
A hundred always a hundred
Ways of listening
Of marveling of loving
a hundred joys
For singing and understanding
A hundred worlds
To discover
A hundred worlds
To invent
A hundred worlds
To dream.
The child has
A hundred languages
(And a hundred hundred more)
But they steal ninety-nine.
The social and the culture
Separate the head from the body
They tell the child:
To think without hands
To do without head
To listen and not to speak
To understand without joy
To love and to marvel
Only at Easter and Christmas.
They tell the child:
To discover the world already there
And of the hundred
They tell steal ninety-nine.
They tell the child:
That work and play
Reality and fantasy
Science and imagination
Sky and earth
Reason and dream
Are things
That do not belong together.

And thus they tell the child
That the hundred is not there.
The child says:
No way. The hundred IS there.

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I am one with all

So i may not have become what ive wanted to yet in my life.
And cooking for 10 years has driven me away from commercial kitchen in my home town, but there is some passion for cooking still there. the desire seem to just be faint and unable to be filled at this point.

There are many things i enjoy in life that i could become.
A skateboarder, A dancer maybe, a Singer,musician. Maybe a computer technician.
Perhaps i could take photos, write books and poems, be an artist, or even become a counsellor one day.
Even with all these fascinations and interests i still cant put my foot down on one, and dont beleive i ever really will. commitment is hard for me, but i with sayin...i am getting better.

Right now in my life i am pleased to have a range of abilities and get new lessons in growth for my intelligence and higher self on a regular basis.

I drink tea everday and use incense - this to me helps my brain and higher self grow and expand into a wiser intelligent person that i want to be
I have let go well at least do such a better task in doing so now having less twisted emotions and feelings inside of me, more love to give and a brighter inside and outside attracting wonderful people into my life.
I love more unconditionally, im less emotional and sensitive and i generally care about the people around me and myself the most - for once!
I take pictures regularly, i cook regularly, i skateboard regularly !
I dont take drugs or smoke, drink very little and party less.
I exercise occasionally eat healthy and meditate..
I see my son when i can, and im planning for the future.

I am that i am

I am becoming much better in who i would like to be.
No matter what though, i will be what im meant to be
dam good idea its what i want to be...

Peace peeps