Most times

Sometimes and really when you think about it, most times life just doesn't go the way you've planned it. To the point, I have a son. His name is Zachary. And his mother and I are not together.
So you can probably guess why I mention that sometimes it just doesn't go the way you would like it to.
I've given up before, and I've wanted to give up completely at times. But I haven't yet. And don't plan to. Weather I'm in my sons life for as much as I want to or not i don't feel the need to push and. change the course of how my life is pretty much meant to be atm. It is just how it is atm. And my biggest acceptance is dealing with it. Shit happens and there's no use complaining and trying to redirect the course that has already bestowed upon me will make the struggle much worse. Im learning hard that's for sure. But doin what I can to see that this is just how it is for me. All I can do is be aware and wise to not let such events happen to me every again. That is the real challenge I believe.
I am changing everyday. And learning more every second of my life.
But I know.... I have far to go. And if I keep holding in I'll be just fine.
I love you so much my son. And you and me will have a great life together.

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c is for criticism

Criticism tells you everything you need to know about yourself. So listen carefully. The faults you point out in others are very often your own in disguise. The way you speak about the world is the way the world will speak about you. How can life every look up if you keep putting everyone down?
Criticism issue form of selves harm. Go easy.

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just..

So recently what I write gets me in trouble. well.....
Am I not aloud to express my inside feelings. Through plastic keys rather then to flesh and blood. I'm a writer.
Maybe we should toughen up since they are words on the page then a real voice of criticism. Well....
I see and accept its just a mirror.
Just two mirrors.....

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If you want time, why the Fuck do you come round. You wouldn't have her if it wasn't for me. And that is true! Stop causing drama even if you think your not. I'm sick of this shit so Fuck off!

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The artful scar that stains me. That is my pain. I've never cut myself but when I think about it, I've allowed others to. A mark I've asked for. Blood I can't draw out myself. scars left that won't disappear. Pain inflicted because I am weak to induced on myself. Symbols resembling part of my life, pain I've given. Given to myself. Overtime I cry. I cringe with what it is, how it was, now. I move forwards. Pain is relative. That relativity is my tattoos. Tattoos are my scars.
and these scars are my pain.
Am I a self harmer?

In ways no one but me understands...

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I guess I don't really have to say anything here, considering I was present for all of the above. :) Thank you for posting your love for me to the world.


You never cease to amaze me with your capacity to love and give, unconditionally. Thank you for being you,


I've read this about five times now. And I'm undecided, but leaning towards thinking 'you' is you. The things I want to say won't fit in a comment box. All I can say is I love you


We're all pretending, and it's not until you learn to trust that you can let down that facade and show your scars and wounds. You are good enough. You are worthy. It's okay to be depressed. It's okay to cry. Jealousy is not a sin. You will survive. I'm here with you and we're alive. <3

Obsessive Compulsive Woman

Wow, i cant beleive you. well maybe i can.
it makes sense it was a lie now.
it makes sense now that you didnt tell the truth.
its sad how you treat yourself like that.
its quite depressing you didnt love me like that.

so you keep running into that brick wall
you keep chasing that pathetic DREAM!
because youll NEVER get him back
and if you do, i'll laugh when it falls to shit again.

so keep hurting yourself. keep lieing.
im sorry i cared, and feel stupid for giving all
i tired to understand, and in a way i did.
but it still wasn't good enough for you.
so was the love a waste?. where you kissing cuddling him instead?
did you just want to scream his name in sex?
was his face on top of my shoulders?
did you want to be hurt more?
did you want to be enthrilled more?
so keep stepping on your toes, keep chasing your lies
cause he found you, and before you knew it, got rid of you.
he wont ever take you back.

As AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL you are
you will always be in my heart.
it so sad to see your going backwards once again.
it breaks my heart i cant help you
i really wanted to be apart of your life
i still love you..

if so you'll be left there once again, alone, repeating history.
so get over it, get over him! cant you see there are better men out there
cant you understand, i could of been that man..
if you just let go and let me in
i would of given you everthing, but you dont beleive that.only he can
so thanks... thanks for using me, even if you didnt intend to
thanks for letting me be your "break up guy"

but at the end of the day
you weren't good enough for me!
and by the sounds
neither is strange punch distributer guy

thanks for helping break my heart
im so sorry for you
im sorry you didnt fall in love me like him.

i loved and cared for you so much i put you before myself.
so do you not care?
cause its making clear sense

happy valentines
enjoy your fucking flowers!!



i am so ANGRY! and RESENTFUL that i feel like a waste
im so jealous at most...

so weather you read this or not, im sure you understand why ive expressed my heart ache and pain in words like this..

what go's around comes around
so yeah..blah blah blah!!!