I am a little confused..
I'm more a little frustrated to say in fact, now what did you say?!?
your sorry, so am i, and i will always be cause i wish to learn to try and not repeat such a thing.
" I do apologize sir" " I never meant to upset you "
" I apologize too there sir "
" Can i buy you a beer? "... You are not here no more.
Whats this ?!?
Why are you leaving?
Wait, where have you gone!
And, and who is that there?!?!?
my eyes filled with salted water
and then i wake up.....
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
wise words from the mouth
Recently, i had a quite insightful talk with my mother.
she reminded me that a relationship is hard no matter what, harder then alot of things.
the understanding that this special one comes into your life and lives with you day in day out is just a part of it.
when you bring this special person into your life you have to learn pretty much the last 20 yrs of that person, you have to learn how they feel, think, act and respond to how you are and how you act, you have to learn how to treat them like your family that you love.
for example!
i live with my bother, sister and mother. i deal with them everyday, every good time and bad time must be treated as nothing, because in 10, 30 mins even a day things will go back to normal, but.. its being with them for so long and knowing the buttons to push and what not too.
your bringing this special person you love into your life, and your always gonna have times of hate, pain and disagrements. wether you walk away the victor you could soon realize you really werent.
Its a must to love them no matter how mad, crazy, bossy, criticising they are.
no matter how much they drive you mad or how much they want to help.
you love them, and you love them for who they are!
sometimes it dosent work though. and it is best to be aware and save the pain.
i have felt and been there before....
but this time i am no where seeing or feeling that. this person, this girl, is someone i truly love, i truly stand by and truly aim to grow with and learn from.
i desire a healthy relationship with you
i am not perfect and never will be. i have as many faults as you and i never wish to believe i dont.
this is why i believe in a unconditional love.
and not in a sentence, just for what it is too me.
that i will love you no matter what we face.
we have our whole life ahead of us.
Note to self: talk, share and dont be scared. react in a loving way, not a criticising of judging way.
You have problems to, and you know what im talking about.
Thank you mother <3
she reminded me that a relationship is hard no matter what, harder then alot of things.
the understanding that this special one comes into your life and lives with you day in day out is just a part of it.
when you bring this special person into your life you have to learn pretty much the last 20 yrs of that person, you have to learn how they feel, think, act and respond to how you are and how you act, you have to learn how to treat them like your family that you love.
for example!
i live with my bother, sister and mother. i deal with them everyday, every good time and bad time must be treated as nothing, because in 10, 30 mins even a day things will go back to normal, but.. its being with them for so long and knowing the buttons to push and what not too.
your bringing this special person you love into your life, and your always gonna have times of hate, pain and disagrements. wether you walk away the victor you could soon realize you really werent.
Its a must to love them no matter how mad, crazy, bossy, criticising they are.
no matter how much they drive you mad or how much they want to help.
you love them, and you love them for who they are!
sometimes it dosent work though. and it is best to be aware and save the pain.
i have felt and been there before....
but this time i am no where seeing or feeling that. this person, this girl, is someone i truly love, i truly stand by and truly aim to grow with and learn from.
i desire a healthy relationship with you
i am not perfect and never will be. i have as many faults as you and i never wish to believe i dont.
this is why i believe in a unconditional love.
and not in a sentence, just for what it is too me.
that i will love you no matter what we face.
we have our whole life ahead of us.
Note to self: talk, share and dont be scared. react in a loving way, not a criticising of judging way.
You have problems to, and you know what im talking about.
Thank you mother <3
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Eggs on toast
im in that state of mind again..
where no one can come in and rescue me no matter how much i cry out for help or plea in desperation and struggle over self restraint..
my mind has gone black, my eyes see dark, every little thing pisses me of, sets me wild inside weather its any of your fault or not.... i feel weak and a failure,my feelings are haywire so im jealous of anyones conquests, and disgraced of all my failures. yearn to be someone im not yet bitch about something i am all to see vice versa in play. i cant cry when i really feel i need to, i lie when i shouldnt have to. i tell the truth with insecurity and shutdown over integrity , what? why?
its pathetic, and i know im doing it. is my undoubtedly question to myself?
i pretend in my head, i act a safety plan, i hatch a fresh egg.
and with each movement im slammed against the chair with the bright lantern stuck in my face, " WHY "
" cant you fucking see where your going to end "
There i plea again, the one holding this light in my face, torchering me with cruel demoralising words, stamping on my feet clownish boney feet, more, my mind. pounding against my chest and limiting my breathing, my eyes slowly shutter to see...myself.
i never said this was a game to be completed or a project to finish
more like a ever going challenge to understand
balancing this in me is some task
-----------------------
Those born is this week are capable of withdrawing form the world for months or even years, doing battle with themselves in an attempt to come to grips with their problems. The challenge a cancer 1 faces is to move from being a person helplessly adrift in a sea of feeling, just able to keep his head above water, into being one you can swim confidently in the swift currents of life.
For those who live with them, it may be difficult to stand but and watch as cancer 1s bottle up their feelings or enter into self - imposed isolation. while it may look like self torture, it is almost impossible, and in fact usually inadvisable, to get down in the soup with cancer 1s. A more beneficial stance is usually to back off and wait until they surface and seek human interaction again. Patience is an obligory virtue for those desiring a successful relationship with these individuals.
where no one can come in and rescue me no matter how much i cry out for help or plea in desperation and struggle over self restraint..
my mind has gone black, my eyes see dark, every little thing pisses me of, sets me wild inside weather its any of your fault or not.... i feel weak and a failure,my feelings are haywire so im jealous of anyones conquests, and disgraced of all my failures. yearn to be someone im not yet bitch about something i am all to see vice versa in play. i cant cry when i really feel i need to, i lie when i shouldnt have to. i tell the truth with insecurity and shutdown over integrity , what? why?
its pathetic, and i know im doing it. is my undoubtedly question to myself?
i pretend in my head, i act a safety plan, i hatch a fresh egg.
and with each movement im slammed against the chair with the bright lantern stuck in my face, " WHY "
" cant you fucking see where your going to end "
There i plea again, the one holding this light in my face, torchering me with cruel demoralising words, stamping on my feet clownish boney feet, more, my mind. pounding against my chest and limiting my breathing, my eyes slowly shutter to see...myself.
i never said this was a game to be completed or a project to finish
more like a ever going challenge to understand
balancing this in me is some task
-----------------------
Those born is this week are capable of withdrawing form the world for months or even years, doing battle with themselves in an attempt to come to grips with their problems. The challenge a cancer 1 faces is to move from being a person helplessly adrift in a sea of feeling, just able to keep his head above water, into being one you can swim confidently in the swift currents of life.
For those who live with them, it may be difficult to stand but and watch as cancer 1s bottle up their feelings or enter into self - imposed isolation. while it may look like self torture, it is almost impossible, and in fact usually inadvisable, to get down in the soup with cancer 1s. A more beneficial stance is usually to back off and wait until they surface and seek human interaction again. Patience is an obligory virtue for those desiring a successful relationship with these individuals.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The Week of Empathy
Cancer 1, june 25- july 2
The cancer 1 takes empath as its central image. this period can be compared to a time in the early adult life when the need to understand, feel and, to an extent, to identify with others comes to the fore. Such understanding may extend to the life history, feelings or personality of another person. it may also involve sympathy for another persons ideas or way of thinking. This process is not only important in developing basic humanity, but also because without some degree of empathy success in the world of society will be denied.
the days that comprise cancer 1 symbolically reveal the young adult developing the capacity to open up and recieve positive influnences from the world but also to be more discrimanating and resilient in defending against harmful energies. in addition, learning about how the emotional life works, how the unconscious functions and, in general, what motivates people to do what they do figure prominetly.
Cancers 1s are hard to figure out. Emotionally complex, they combine sharply contrasting qaulities in there psychological makeup. Tehy may give an entirelly diffrent expresion than in another, according to there mood. A cancer 1 may strike one person as out going, another as retiring, one as posotive and expasnsive, another as negative and depressive, still others as easy going, others as difficult. Only those who live with a cancer 1 day in and day out are able to appreciate there depth and diversity.
Part of the reason for there vaireity of there emtional palette is there senstivity. Empathic, cancer 1s quickly pick up on the feelings of others - so much so that theymay mistake such feelings for there own. Thoses born in this week may find themselves replaying other peoples scripts and hence playing a role in the lifes daily drama that is not really theirs. Developing their self-awareness, gaining an accurate view of their personal interactions and gettin a grip on their emotions will be essential to them.
Because they are so at the mercy of the feelings of others as children, caner 1s generally cry out for protection. Even when protection is garanted, these empaths may spend a life time seeking out people to mother and nuture. but if those born in this week are instead exsposed to tough and unsympathetic treatment by thier families and, later, by the world, they are capable of surronding themselves with virtaully impenetrable shell. love can enable such cancer 1s to feel again, melting there outer defenses and allowing them to express there true emotions. A great deal of pent-up resenmant and frustration may have to be voiced, however, before thier hurt is eased and they are able to trust again.
One should not get the idea, however, that cancer 1s are wish-washy characters out of touch with worldly realities. in fact, they are very clever in getting their way.those born in this week generally give money a high priority, and they are often financially astute. Their investment sense can be excellent, and they can frequently make stocks and other holdings pay off. Also in the realm of technical skills they show a good grasp of whatever material they make there own, and a good ability to implement their plans.
Aggression can play an ambiguous role in the lives of cancer1s: they are naturally aggressive, and can have difficulty sublimating this instinct into positive expression, particularity in the sexual, verbal or athletic sphere. Too often they swing from angry outbursts to repression, which often leads them into melancholia, in extreme cases, their anger can be self-destructive. Finding a metier that allows them easy expression of there aggression is an important life task for them, and one that the often overlook.
Those born is this week are capable of withdrawing form the world for months or even years, doing battle with themselves in an attempt to come to grips with their problems. The challenge a cancer 1 faces is to move from being a person helplessly adrift in a sea of feeling, just able to keep his head above water, into being one you can swim confidently in the swift currents of life. the most successful cancer 1s are those who can share there unique view of the world with others. First, of course, they must conquer their inner fears and liberate themselves from self - or parentally imposed behavioral stereotypes. Next the may have to overcome in flexibility and real or imagined handicaps. Through sheer guts and determination, they are often capable of overcoming these and other obstacles, and putting their acute psychological perceptions they often do well when self employed, operating from home base that may be connected to their living space. should they choose to have children, the caring aspects of their personalities augur well for their abilities as parents.
For those who live with them, it may be difficult to stand but and watch as cancer 1s bottle up their feelings or enter into self - imposed isolation. while it may look like self torture, it is almost impossible, and in fact usually inadvisable, to get down in the soup with cancer 1s. A more beneficial stance is usually to back off and wait until they surface and seek human interaction again. Patience is an obligory virtue for those desiring a successful relationship with these individuals.
On the other hand, cancer 1s have a great deal to offer in a relationship: sympathy, technical proficiency, financial astuteness and a good managerial sense. because of their need to spend time at home, they can be counted on to keep things in good working order and to provide comfort and security .
Cancer 1s can be extremely can be extremely persuasive, at times too much so. their need to persuade can outstrip the advisability of their counsel, leaving them saddled with guilt of having sent someone off in a wrong direction. Cancer1s pride themselves on doing there homework on given subjects, and when there research is through it will yield positive results, good friends know, however, that emotional strain can cloud their thoughts, easily throwing them off track, so that they may offer confused judgments and advise with the same air conviction and authority as cogent ones.
Strengths - financially astute. sensitive. technically proficient
Weaknesses - Aggressive. fearful. needy.
Dont armor yourself too heavily - on the other hand, remain discriminating. allow others the freedom to take risks. though salesmanship may be excellent, it is not always appreciated. Dont challenge only fears - overcome them through self liberation and action
The cancer 1 takes empath as its central image. this period can be compared to a time in the early adult life when the need to understand, feel and, to an extent, to identify with others comes to the fore. Such understanding may extend to the life history, feelings or personality of another person. it may also involve sympathy for another persons ideas or way of thinking. This process is not only important in developing basic humanity, but also because without some degree of empathy success in the world of society will be denied.
the days that comprise cancer 1 symbolically reveal the young adult developing the capacity to open up and recieve positive influnences from the world but also to be more discrimanating and resilient in defending against harmful energies. in addition, learning about how the emotional life works, how the unconscious functions and, in general, what motivates people to do what they do figure prominetly.
Cancers 1s are hard to figure out. Emotionally complex, they combine sharply contrasting qaulities in there psychological makeup. Tehy may give an entirelly diffrent expresion than in another, according to there mood. A cancer 1 may strike one person as out going, another as retiring, one as posotive and expasnsive, another as negative and depressive, still others as easy going, others as difficult. Only those who live with a cancer 1 day in and day out are able to appreciate there depth and diversity.
Part of the reason for there vaireity of there emtional palette is there senstivity. Empathic, cancer 1s quickly pick up on the feelings of others - so much so that theymay mistake such feelings for there own. Thoses born in this week may find themselves replaying other peoples scripts and hence playing a role in the lifes daily drama that is not really theirs. Developing their self-awareness, gaining an accurate view of their personal interactions and gettin a grip on their emotions will be essential to them.
Because they are so at the mercy of the feelings of others as children, caner 1s generally cry out for protection. Even when protection is garanted, these empaths may spend a life time seeking out people to mother and nuture. but if those born in this week are instead exsposed to tough and unsympathetic treatment by thier families and, later, by the world, they are capable of surronding themselves with virtaully impenetrable shell. love can enable such cancer 1s to feel again, melting there outer defenses and allowing them to express there true emotions. A great deal of pent-up resenmant and frustration may have to be voiced, however, before thier hurt is eased and they are able to trust again.
One should not get the idea, however, that cancer 1s are wish-washy characters out of touch with worldly realities. in fact, they are very clever in getting their way.those born in this week generally give money a high priority, and they are often financially astute. Their investment sense can be excellent, and they can frequently make stocks and other holdings pay off. Also in the realm of technical skills they show a good grasp of whatever material they make there own, and a good ability to implement their plans.
Aggression can play an ambiguous role in the lives of cancer1s: they are naturally aggressive, and can have difficulty sublimating this instinct into positive expression, particularity in the sexual, verbal or athletic sphere. Too often they swing from angry outbursts to repression, which often leads them into melancholia, in extreme cases, their anger can be self-destructive. Finding a metier that allows them easy expression of there aggression is an important life task for them, and one that the often overlook.
Those born is this week are capable of withdrawing form the world for months or even years, doing battle with themselves in an attempt to come to grips with their problems. The challenge a cancer 1 faces is to move from being a person helplessly adrift in a sea of feeling, just able to keep his head above water, into being one you can swim confidently in the swift currents of life. the most successful cancer 1s are those who can share there unique view of the world with others. First, of course, they must conquer their inner fears and liberate themselves from self - or parentally imposed behavioral stereotypes. Next the may have to overcome in flexibility and real or imagined handicaps. Through sheer guts and determination, they are often capable of overcoming these and other obstacles, and putting their acute psychological perceptions they often do well when self employed, operating from home base that may be connected to their living space. should they choose to have children, the caring aspects of their personalities augur well for their abilities as parents.
For those who live with them, it may be difficult to stand but and watch as cancer 1s bottle up their feelings or enter into self - imposed isolation. while it may look like self torture, it is almost impossible, and in fact usually inadvisable, to get down in the soup with cancer 1s. A more beneficial stance is usually to back off and wait until they surface and seek human interaction again. Patience is an obligory virtue for those desiring a successful relationship with these individuals.
On the other hand, cancer 1s have a great deal to offer in a relationship: sympathy, technical proficiency, financial astuteness and a good managerial sense. because of their need to spend time at home, they can be counted on to keep things in good working order and to provide comfort and security .
Cancer 1s can be extremely can be extremely persuasive, at times too much so. their need to persuade can outstrip the advisability of their counsel, leaving them saddled with guilt of having sent someone off in a wrong direction. Cancer1s pride themselves on doing there homework on given subjects, and when there research is through it will yield positive results, good friends know, however, that emotional strain can cloud their thoughts, easily throwing them off track, so that they may offer confused judgments and advise with the same air conviction and authority as cogent ones.
Strengths - financially astute. sensitive. technically proficient
Weaknesses - Aggressive. fearful. needy.
Dont armor yourself too heavily - on the other hand, remain discriminating. allow others the freedom to take risks. though salesmanship may be excellent, it is not always appreciated. Dont challenge only fears - overcome them through self liberation and action
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
x
In my hand i hold a letter, a letter that will determine my future
a letter i feel i already know the answer to, a letter i find to bitter feeling to open, this letter makes my insides cringe and churn.
feels my life is already laid out for me, there is no deciding what i can do now.
my heart is burning, burning with hate towards you.. because what i feel im looked upon at now is what was meant to become.. you tricked me, you used me and if i could take anything back it will be you.
everything we ever had i would. you poisoned me with a curse, or did i get offered the vile and drunk it myself.
i trusted a white princess to discover a black witch, my eyes hurt now.... the rain keeps falling, it will not stop any time soon.
will i keep falling, am i now that it is such a sign of reapetedness. am i destined to destroy myself and others. can i survive my own torment to peace another.
why do you do this? What can i make of me? and can i change what i believe so to be not to be?
i know better then anyone else
that the greatest recipes to my life, are my own creations. that i can make my desires happen.
just not at this point do i feel the need to, wallow is all i want to do....
act now or lose all scares me.
or keep believing and i might just receive it
no matter what my fear is
i am sad
i am lonely
i am happy i have you now...
i know and have learnt
the only way is
strength in myself
and self empowerment inside.
a letter i feel i already know the answer to, a letter i find to bitter feeling to open, this letter makes my insides cringe and churn.
feels my life is already laid out for me, there is no deciding what i can do now.
my heart is burning, burning with hate towards you.. because what i feel im looked upon at now is what was meant to become.. you tricked me, you used me and if i could take anything back it will be you.
everything we ever had i would. you poisoned me with a curse, or did i get offered the vile and drunk it myself.
i trusted a white princess to discover a black witch, my eyes hurt now.... the rain keeps falling, it will not stop any time soon.
will i keep falling, am i now that it is such a sign of reapetedness. am i destined to destroy myself and others. can i survive my own torment to peace another.
why do you do this? What can i make of me? and can i change what i believe so to be not to be?
i know better then anyone else
that the greatest recipes to my life, are my own creations. that i can make my desires happen.
just not at this point do i feel the need to, wallow is all i want to do....
act now or lose all scares me.
or keep believing and i might just receive it
no matter what my fear is
i am sad
i am lonely
i am happy i have you now...
i know and have learnt
the only way is
strength in myself
and self empowerment inside.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
help?
All i want to do is help
but that person is not me
all i wanna do is cry
but i mostly make others
i just want to please
but all i do is just squeeze
mistakes keep apearing
because i feel like im a mistake
but im just making them
all i want to do is help
i just want to help you
i must help you thou
......jesse
but that person is not me
all i wanna do is cry
but i mostly make others
i just want to please
but all i do is just squeeze
mistakes keep apearing
because i feel like im a mistake
but im just making them
all i want to do is help
i just want to help you
i must help you thou
......jesse
one more lie ontop of another
lying is not a nice thing to do..
saying one thing and doing the other isnt very nice.
your quite a dick arnt you.
so dont take those cruel words seriously...
you created those words, and straight from the horses mouth!
bit of a dick arnt you.....
how many more times do you think you'll be aloud to get away with it.
saying one thing and doing the other isnt very nice.
your quite a dick arnt you.
so dont take those cruel words seriously...
you created those words, and straight from the horses mouth!
bit of a dick arnt you.....
how many more times do you think you'll be aloud to get away with it.
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