,

is it when you try to hard, you fall to hard.
or when you dont try hard enough, your pushed over

What is where now ?

Everything seems to be everywhere atm
Where the fuck am i?

im pretty sure im not inside atm...


the only help i want i cant give myself
and in saying that, who do i expect to help me?


i should stop being needy and insecure


i should grow up!

The best comes at spontaneous times

usaully its about the negaive in my life.
but today its been about the positive..
|which off course is good..
ive made friends with the least expected people i thought id make make friends with.
and its been quite the treat :)

Yes i am drunk atm
but......
i must realise this positive expression as i speak before another negative takes over.

im so glad i have been blessed to talk to someone i thought id never be able to talk to
i also am so happy to have met new people and make new friends with others i have personally met aswell

yes, i believe the full moon is still intense with emotion and intensity, but what a opportunity

Thank you for coming into my life, thank you for being there, thank you for caring

Thank you

a little bit alike

At times I seem to understand that there's much more to the way o act and portray towards others.
there are times I think I know how I'm acting and how much control I believe I have onto my action towards other.
but then there are times when it has failed completely. and all I'm doing is making. myself more a Dick for others to laugh or even worst, get more kissed off and eventually make it aware to me in a quite rude, criticized way.
suxs when its your best friend.
I can't ve what everyone wants me to be, and even thou I encourage change, learning and growth in myself for myself and others. there are just some things that won't entirely change.
all I can do is be aware and considerate.
because in the end, there will be many people I piss off with my actions of pwrsonality. doesn't mean I item to. and doesn't mean I'm selfish and inconsiderate to ignore it and not attempt for a change!
I'm sorry that there's nothing I can do that's helpful for you and all I do is ask ask ask.
I'm sorry that you think your smarter and righter then me.
And I'm sorry that I don't listen and follow what you think I should do. and even though that may be a little out of context, thats how it feels coming from you.
so before you make a judgement please, consider you arrogance first....
cause I never meant to treat you or myself that I wanted it then and there!
my intentions was to find if I can catch you at an appropriate time and meeting venue while not disturbing your plans!
not to just follow you into a crowd of thousands of people and possible hear nothing from you!

it was inappropriate is all I'm sayin.
and I'm sure I wasn't acting genuinely considerate either.

for that I do apologize.

Comes down now to how long until we talk.

till then, peace

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The goods and then the bads of weeds!

So every time something just doesn't go my way, i get all negative.
The world around me starts to fall, slower and slower every time.
Its this sense of been unable to conform and fit into society shell and become what so many around me has, drives me insanely down.

To shrink down to nothing less then a weed in a field on brainless weeds waiting to be sprayed out of existences for the next batch to breed and colonizes.
I fucken hate it. i cant hold a weedy job! i dont want a weedy fucking job is my point!

And i know that even when i feel smaller then these weeds i am truly much greater.

Thats it.. weeds, they take fuck all to sprout, bloom and die off. There every where, growing on sidewalks, fucking roof tops, next to toleits. there every where from high and friggin low.
Hmmm, where flowers ( best term i can think) take some time until they give life to there beautiful petals, there arrangement of colours, there hidden existence to life.

Im that flower, as so many off us are those flowers, and yet so many ignore they are and become that weed, boring plain job of being a weed.

Meh, im sure you know what jobs and steryo types and slander crap i be talk of!

Id rather wait, weather in pain in or, that in time, and has proved, that i get stronger and wiser in figuring out how to unleash that petal power that exists inside me....
and im reminded every time a good thing happens in my life, ahhh, but brought down with another bad of course.
its getting better but for the mean time.
FUCK YOU TRUCK DRIVING!!!
Im out bitches!!!

walk all over you

You a like you don't care...
You sure as don't show you care about me.
I'm sure you only care about yourself?
But do you really care about zac?
I don't think you Fuckin do.
Cause I may be the hurting atm but soon it will be his turn.
All due to your final decision!
Is this true?

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As she bit down on me her poison seeped into my veins, the poison of love started creeping through my body, into my mind. I was falling for this women. And she knew she was getting power over me. My plan was failing. I had only. imited options, I had to act now.

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The juggling act

So it was at a young age i learnt to juggle, i can remember it clearly.
we had just moved to bridgetown and mother couldnt handle another town where i ran a muk and did nothing but help not prevent my mum from pulling her hair out anymore due to my insane ADHD issues and cronic ability to not sit still and pay attention for longer then 1 minute.

As i remember, i practised quite alot, i juggeled and juggeled my way to 3.
these balls were my greatest friends and for years and years i still have the skill to juggle those three.

So im now 25, i have decided to juggle once again in a sense to acquire some knowledge and sense of understandment in what balance may be for me.
As i juggle these balls they start to have feelings and emotions, one starts to become my favorite and i use it at my will to entertain my affection that somehow burns inside me.
I dont not intend this to be, but my conciseness has slipt it to happen,i just keep juggling. after some time i put that one down and start to play with another, rotating when i please, swapping and changing, yet these balls i love and cherish, i treat with upmost care, they are not toys but apart of me and being aware. why do i use them when i do not want that.
somehow my carefree nature has overcome me without noticing, for i believe i was not at the beginning, for now im starting to use the juggling balls for more then just my amusement. soon i may leave them outside, soon they may deteriorate and fall apart, soon they may be lost, soon they may roll away and disappear from me. for i could be using them just for my pleasure..
soon i may choose to juggle to many, soon i may not juggle enough.
but i truly know that all i want ed to do was give each and every juggling ball just enough.
i never meant to drop them and i never meant to throw them, i will always love and treat them fairly with the balance i promoted, for it is what i intended for myself.
so please dont leave me juggling balls, please understand why ive juggled.
for it wasnt for selfish reasons its was for my balance of love!